It’s important to find a way to relate to the insecure feelings behind the question. Recently, a set of circumstances threw my own vanity into a tailspin. I won't bore you with the details -- but it was acne-related. Holly and I had a formal event to go to, and I firmly believed that I had never looked worse. It was irrational and I knew it, but here's the thing: It also felt very real.

Somewhere along the way, probably while Holly was launching into one of her pep talks, I realized that I was gripped by a level of self-obsession that could not be reasoned away. It simply couldn't be fought with intellectual tools. I had to literally get away from the mirror until I could come back and look at myself with fresh eyes. Which wasn't for quite a while. No one deserves to be scrutinized to the degree that we scrutinize ourselves.

The point is, we've all been there. I know this is not the kind of answer women want. If I were to say it out loud, it would sound something like this: "You don't know it, but you're actually crazy right now. So no, you don't look fat -- though I know you can't hear/believe me at this moment."

Of course, I don't want to be bludgeoned to death. So I really just say, "Nope. You don't look fat" (okay, I've actually said the first version once or twice), and then change the subject. I also (and this is key) try not to sound impatient or frustrated when Holly asks. Truth is, I can definitely relate to the self-critical mind that made her ask it. And I hope that her knowing that helps.

What do you do when your spouse asks you about his or her looks?