The prize committee said the Asian mix's lustrous hair and good temperament earned it high marks.

Standing in the winners circle before a sold-out crowd at Madison Square Garden, Danny impressed judges and fans alike with his even temperament and self-assured attitude. Handler Kenny Earle said he was not at all surprised by the outcome, describing Danny as the most well-rounded boy he has seen in 17 years of training boys.

"We knew we had a world-class show boy on our hands from the time Danny was 3," Earle said after rewarding Danny with a Rice Krispies treat. "I've worked with Asian mixes extensively, and they tend to be very skittish and shy—especially those from Korean stock. ... Read More »

Perplexed insiders said that despite providing users with full-length theatrical trailers, a synopsis, a link to buy the music from the film, and the ability to share the site on social networking platforms like MySpace, Reddit, and Digg, daily traffic dipped last week to its lowest point in 2010.

"Frankly, we're at a loss to explain what's going on here," said site administrator Eric Walsh, poring over a report detailing September's dismal performance. "We've got all the same great reviews, cast and crew bios, and downloads that made ShutterIsland.com so popular in the first place. What more do people want?"

"It' ... Read More »

Members of Congress, above, as they embark upon a journey from which many may never return.

Initial reports from sea confirm the expedition has already faced dire peril in its quest, which was reportedly inspired by a "radiant vision" of a sword that appeared before stunned senators and representatives in the Capitol rotunda a fortnight ago during negotiations over a minor wetlands preservation bill.

"I know in my bones this is a sign," Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) was overheard saying as he fell to his knees, humbled by th ... Read More »

The group acknowledged that the idea of a sophisticated, flourishing society existing in Greece more than two millennia ago was a complete fiction created by a team of some two dozen historians, anthropologists, and classicists who worked nonstop between 1971 and 1974 to forge "Greek" documents and artifacts.

"Honestly, we never meant for things to go this far," said Professor Gene Haddlebury, who has offered to resign his position as chair of Hellenic Studies at Georgetown University. "We were young and trying to advance our careers, so we just started making things up: Homer, Aristotle, Socrates, Hippocrates, the lever and fu ... Read More »

The crate, standing roughly high as a man's chest and somewhat wider than a span of arms, has instilled in those who spoke to reporters a sense of great disquiet and foreboding, with many alleging the object to be possessed of strange properties that defy easy reckoning.

"Be right glad to be shut of that, whatsoever it may hold," said the captain of the Redoubtable, pointing to the box, about whose odd geometry a fog had curled in unclean tendrils. "That haze arrived the same minute we winched it aboard—upon my soul, it did. And the very next morrow we found the boson sprawle ... Read More »

The toxic bullshit, which began to spew from the mouths of BP executives shortly after the explosion of the Deepwater Horizon oil rig in April, has completely devastated the Gulf region, delaying cleanup efforts, affecting thousands of jobs, and endangering the lives of all nearby wildlife.

"Everything we can see at the moment suggests that the overall environmental impact of this will be very, very modest," said BP CEO Tony Hayward, letting loose a colossal stream of undiluted bullshit. "The Gulf of Mexico is a very big ocean, and the volume of oil we are putting into it is tiny in re ... Read More »